Making the holidays easier on the kids after a divorce. Without a doubt, holidays and vacations present challenges for lots of families. For those parenting out of two households, such times often send stress levels soaring. To make sure you and your kids have successful holidays and vacations after the divorce, here’s a few ideas.
Don’t focus on fair
When it comes to scheduling and how time is shared between households, parents often become overly concerned with what’s fair and forget how it feels for kids. Remember what may feel fair for Mom and Dad, may not be best for kids.
Do your best to be flexible and let your kids’ needs guide the planning.
Keep kids in the loop
When the holidays or a vacation time hit, most of us quickly get caught up in angst. Instead of knowing what to expect, kids usually end up getting a moment’s notice or very little time to shift gears (i.e. “Hurry up and get your things, Dad will be here in 15 minutes.” or “What do you mean you didn’t know you were spending Christmas Eve with Mom.”) To keep things on track, consider using color-coded holiday calendars so kids will know how and when they will spend time with each parent. It also helps to include other significant seasonal events and time that will be spent with other important family members.
Along with how events are scheduled, set aside some time to talk with your children about what the holidays will look like. Discuss what will be different and what will stay the same. Additionally, spend time brainstorming with kids about which traditions they’d like to hang onto and where the family might be ready to embrace something new.
Smooth out transitions
Going back and forth between households can be a real challenge for kids-especially during the holidays. Think ahead about how you can help your kids smoothly transition to the other parent’s home. So for example, instead of pulling kids away from a festive family celebration and shuffling out them door to Mom’s or Dad’s house without warning, give your kids a heads up about what the plan is before you arrive. (i.e. “Today we will be at Aunt Sally’s house until 3:30 pm then we’re going to meet Mom at her house so you can have some special time to enjoy the holiday with her.”)
Also, do your best to deliver children that are in good spirits and well rested. If you know your ex has plans with the children first thing in the morning. Don’t keep them out until midnight and drop them off in their pajamas without breakfast.
Keep the holiday tension free
When it comes to celebrating a first Christmas after the split, divorcing couples often struggle with whether they should spend the day together. Be mindful the key to making things work for your kids is to create a tension free holiday. If you and the other parent can reasonably manage your feelings, then a holiday together could be really meaningful for your children. However, if you can’t, you’re probably better off having separate celebrations.
Bigger isn’t always better
When you are sharing time between two households, it can be tempting to make the most of your limited time by overdoing or overindulging. Keep in mind; if you spend every single minute of your time together on the go, you’re likely to end up with fussy, overwhelmed and unhappy kids. To give your holiday balance, find ways to build in pockets of time with no agenda into your schedule. Think about sitting quietly with your kids and reading a book, taking a walk in the park or enjoying a late morning breakfast together in your pajamas. Remember bigger isn’t always better!
Making the holidays easier on the kids after a divorce. Without a doubt, holidays present challenges for those parenting out of two households. It is important to learn what can be done to make sure you and your kids have successful holidays and vacations after the divorce.